What is Marriage?

July 3, 2009 at 2:20 am (Uncategorized)

You know, many times we have broached the subject of marriage, what it is, and how hard it is.  And today, something strikes me as terribly important.  I think…I’m not sure, but I think that 99% of us go into marriage without having a clue as to what it really is or means.  I’m trying to say that we just have no clue what’s in store for us.  Hollywood has done a great job of painting a fantasy world for us to live in:  And they lived happily ever after.  But, is there a happily ever after?  Can it exhist? 

I have to ask myself this:  As a very young 20 year old with only 1 year of college behind her and 8 months with the man she was marrying, could I have even known what I was doing?  I have to be honest.  No.  I had no clue.  There are several moments from that day that stick in my mind the most:  1.  when I was told he had made it to the church and 2.  having my mom tell me it was ok to leave if I wanted to. 

Woah.  Yeah.  That’s right.  She said that.  As she was fixing my veil.  3 minutes before magic time.  She made sure I understood that I DID NOT have to follow through.  And I remember feeling so sure of myself.  This was it.  He was the one. 

Do I still believe that?  You bet I do.  I don’t picture myself with anyone else, doing anything else, living any other life.  I love what we have built together.  But boy, I had no clue how hard it would be.  How much emotional work and turmoil there could be.  I sit here 10 years later (almost) and marvel at the fact that we are both still alive.  HA! 

But….because of all that, because we stood the test of time (so far) and worked so hard to make things right between us, I feel that I am a changed person.  I am in no way close to that girl that I was.  He changed me….and, I hope, I changed him….for the better. 

When I wake up next to him in the morning, I feel peace.  I can smile.  I feel no animosity, no anger, no resentment (most of the time) and I know that I could not have done better for myself.  I stood in that church going through my options, and I made the best one.  I just knew.  And I still do.

But many people don’t.  It’s all a whim, a fantasy.  And so many times, they end up hurt.  And it breaks my heart to see. 

Why am I writing this?  Does it even make sense?  Right now, maybe not.  But I just feel the need to get it off my chest.  Somehow, someway, get myself to remember and see the good in things.  Not just the hard, not just the bad, but the good.  Look past the struggle and into what is right.  I love that man, God I do, but it’s more than that.  It’s knowing that he’s my partner, through good and bad.  No matter what. 

Forget the newlywed struggle.  Forget the infertility.  Forget the money.  Forget having 5 kids in 3 years.  Forget the fights, arguments, disagreements.  Forget the mistakes. 

What is marriage?  Can it even be defined?  Gosh, I don’t know.  But, for me, it’s not just a ring on my finger and a kiss every night.  It’s a decision I made long ago, and I’m so glad I did.

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1 Comment

  1. deelahthedoula said,

    good post! I hear you – mine is a similar story, 10 years apart as well. 🙂

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