HG blows and other thoughts

July 7, 2009 at 11:12 pm (Kids n stuff, Pregnancy)

I’m 23 weeks as of  yesterday and still nauseated.  Geez.  So now I’m in that tortuous part of pregnancy in which I’m starving, so I eat.  Then want to puke for the next 4 hours.  Repeat process.  Oh. Dear. God.  Hyperemesis is the devil.  Seriously. Did I mention that I don’t ever want to be pregnant again?  Nope.  Done.  The man is getting fixed, and I’m halfway tempted to do something about myself.  After getting pregnant on the sly TWICE after FOUR BLASTED years of infertility, I trust nothing! 

 On a happy note, I’m finally starting to gain weight, so we’ll see Thursday just how much I’ve gained during the month when I see my midwife.  And baby is moving like a maniac.  Seriously.  The kid can kick.  (Get’s that from my side of the family you know…)

Updates: The kids are great.  Bored out of the minds, but good.  I hate summer.  Especially here.  I don’t remember it being this hot when I was a kid, but Lordy.  They’ll go outside to play for all of 30.25 seconds before running back in because they’re too hot.  And they’re bickering.  Always.  Oh the dirty looks that are being thrown around my house.  It’s kinda funny in a way.  HA!

The man is good.  He is officially a Cadet and 17 months away from getting his commission as an officer in the Army.  HOOAH.  At that point, who knows.  I guess we’re going active duty!  The only thing that would bite about leaving this place is leaving my mom.  We spend so much time together….  *sad*   But we’re hoping that we can stay here for our first tour, he’s gonna ask for it to be his first duty station.  *crosses fingers, toes, eyes, and anything else within reach* 

I’ll be starting a blog soon for my students for this school year.  I think it’ll be easier for me to keep up with them and them to ask me stuff while I’m on Maternity leave (17 weeks to go!)  I’m excited about it, but of course it won’t be linked to this one.  This sucker is private! 

My rant for the day:  What is up with heartburn?  Seriously?  Who gets heartburn from drinking water?  ME!  Oh come on!  *giggle*

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What is Marriage?

July 3, 2009 at 2:20 am (Uncategorized)

You know, many times we have broached the subject of marriage, what it is, and how hard it is.  And today, something strikes me as terribly important.  I think…I’m not sure, but I think that 99% of us go into marriage without having a clue as to what it really is or means.  I’m trying to say that we just have no clue what’s in store for us.  Hollywood has done a great job of painting a fantasy world for us to live in:  And they lived happily ever after.  But, is there a happily ever after?  Can it exhist? 

I have to ask myself this:  As a very young 20 year old with only 1 year of college behind her and 8 months with the man she was marrying, could I have even known what I was doing?  I have to be honest.  No.  I had no clue.  There are several moments from that day that stick in my mind the most:  1.  when I was told he had made it to the church and 2.  having my mom tell me it was ok to leave if I wanted to. 

Woah.  Yeah.  That’s right.  She said that.  As she was fixing my veil.  3 minutes before magic time.  She made sure I understood that I DID NOT have to follow through.  And I remember feeling so sure of myself.  This was it.  He was the one. 

Do I still believe that?  You bet I do.  I don’t picture myself with anyone else, doing anything else, living any other life.  I love what we have built together.  But boy, I had no clue how hard it would be.  How much emotional work and turmoil there could be.  I sit here 10 years later (almost) and marvel at the fact that we are both still alive.  HA! 

But….because of all that, because we stood the test of time (so far) and worked so hard to make things right between us, I feel that I am a changed person.  I am in no way close to that girl that I was.  He changed me….and, I hope, I changed him….for the better. 

When I wake up next to him in the morning, I feel peace.  I can smile.  I feel no animosity, no anger, no resentment (most of the time) and I know that I could not have done better for myself.  I stood in that church going through my options, and I made the best one.  I just knew.  And I still do.

But many people don’t.  It’s all a whim, a fantasy.  And so many times, they end up hurt.  And it breaks my heart to see. 

Why am I writing this?  Does it even make sense?  Right now, maybe not.  But I just feel the need to get it off my chest.  Somehow, someway, get myself to remember and see the good in things.  Not just the hard, not just the bad, but the good.  Look past the struggle and into what is right.  I love that man, God I do, but it’s more than that.  It’s knowing that he’s my partner, through good and bad.  No matter what. 

Forget the newlywed struggle.  Forget the infertility.  Forget the money.  Forget having 5 kids in 3 years.  Forget the fights, arguments, disagreements.  Forget the mistakes. 

What is marriage?  Can it even be defined?  Gosh, I don’t know.  But, for me, it’s not just a ring on my finger and a kiss every night.  It’s a decision I made long ago, and I’m so glad I did.

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